My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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