wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
