I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
