what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
