"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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