Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
