thus making me awesome and them whores
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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