when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
