i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I smell stomach acid.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
