why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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