My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize