so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize