It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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