Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
