Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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