i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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