I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
