Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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