Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
