I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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