bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
