"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
