why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
