K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
