Umm I'm too high to move.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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