I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
