that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
