She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize