She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
