that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
