I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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