White coat. Heels.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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