the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize