i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
