he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
