I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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