put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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