Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
