I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
