kristin has been a bad kristin
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
