Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
