Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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