sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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