Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
