At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
