Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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