I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
