Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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