Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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