im holly from the hills drunk
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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