i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
