he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He better not be in your backpack
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
