If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
