WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
