just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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