A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she smelled like a LAN party
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
