Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
