he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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