I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
