I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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