It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
