Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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