omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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