Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
