Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
