I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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