Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
