Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
