so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
