Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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