She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She even gives head with a lisp.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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