i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
